Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Monday, December 29, 2014
Motivation Monday
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Barb of A Life in Balance
Mitzi of Written Reality
Katie of Mom Favorites
Toni of Tickles and Time Outs
Features
Barb- A Life in Balance
1. Granola Fruit Tart | Homemade Interest 2. Gluten Free Cut Sugar Cookies | Natural ChowMitzi- Written Reality
3.Crab Stuffed Musrooms | Lou Lou Girls 4. Gifts from the Kitchen Cranberry Orange marmalade | Prudent LivingKatie- Mom Favorites
5. 8 Delicious Winter Soup Recipes | Dream of Leaving 6. Mini Chocolate Cheesecake With Raspberries | Upstate Ramblings
Friday, December 26, 2014
When to Face the Truth
I have to admit, I've recently been having challenges with my children. I've let the rope out WAY too far and needed a wake up call. My children and I were recently invited out with some family members to spend time together and then go out to eat dinner at a local restaurant. There was a lot going on that day and I won't get into all the details but here's the point. My kids were not behaving and it was my fault.
There are times in life when kids misbehave for a variety of reasons...maybe they are sick, tired, there's a misunderstanding, or they just make bad decisions just like all of us do. This time however, it was my fault. The kids were throwing tantrums, talking back, and not listening at all. Why? Because I was feeding into their bad behaviors without even realizing it and rewarding their bad behaviors.
When I left the party, I was mad at the person that was treating us to lunch (because of some of the comments she was making about the kids behavior and how I was reacting to them). Funny how we can spin something to feel better about ourselves..isn't it? I decided to confront this person over the phone the next day and the conversation quickly went in a direction I did NOT expect. She said, "Your children's behavior was not acceptable at our house the other day."
"EXCUSE ME?" I quickly defended myself and my children.
She responded by saying, "You are letting them control everything and rewarding their bad behaviors constantly with attention!"
I was shocked. I was mad. How could she say something like this? I am a single mom doing the best that I can!? PLUS, the advice she is giving me is what I tell OTHER families during my social work and nanny days. This is what I talk about on my blog!!! OMG! She was right!! How did I let this happen?!
I hung up the phone and processed the conversation for a few hours. I cried a lot. I realized that I was getting in a pattern of babying my kids without even realizing it. At one point she said, "Do you realize that your children aren't 1 and 3, they are 3 and 5!!" Shit. She was right. I later apologized and felt horrible that I let this happen. We talked for a while about some of the things I was dealing with in my life and also why I was letting my children behave this way.
For me, it's so easy to get a pattern where we just distract our kids instead of holding our ground. We may even start negotiating instead of saying a firm no when needed. We get tired and give into things without thinking it through and then they learn that we don't mean what we say. We give them too much rope and try to reason with them as if they are adults. But it ends up making things worse. So much worse. Sometimes we need someone daring enough to be honest and tell us what everyone else is probably saying. I respect that.
The next few days I began changing my ways. It hasn't been easy (and I know I will slip back into old patterns at times) but I'm really grateful for someone to be honest with me and tell me to step it up. I've already seen a difference in my children's behavior and I'm sure it will continue to improve. Sometimes we need someone to give us a wake up call. We need to be told what we can change in order to make things better and if we're not open or receptive we will never be able to improve as parents or as people in general. I truth is, I had sought out advice (from my inner circle) about the struggles I was having with my kids. The problem is that these are the people that always tell us what a great job we're doing and are our biggest cheerleaders....which is good because we often need support. They may be scared to give us parenting advice in case it affects the friendship. Often, they may be the kind of people who make the same mistakes we do and don't even realize what we're doing. I'm learning to really be open to people that aren't afraid to give me the cold hard truth. God knows I need it.
The truth is, it really does take a village to raise a child...and it takes a village to raise a Mommy.
FAST FORWARD 3 weeks and things are MUCH better. We still have our challenging times but I'm learning to focus my attention more on positive behavior and ignoring other attention seeking behavior (especially from my 3 year old). As a parent, it's often so hard to figure out when to help our kids through struggles, when to ignore, or when to discipline certain behaviors. I have a feeling that those challenges will always be difficult to decide (even when the kids are older!) However, I realized that I needed to face the truth and step up to the plate a bit. It wasn't easy to hear but my kids and I are happier with more structure and discipline in our home...it's what we needed.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Dealing with loneliness during the holidays
I wrote this article 2 years ago around the holidays and I think some of you that are feelings lonely can relate...
My Life Today
Single life is weird. One minute I am feeling empowered, happy, and free to do whatever I want..
and the next moment I feel like this...
And then come the holidays...I think Charlie Brown said it best... "I almost wish there weren't a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?"
Then I think about my ex...
I sure do hope he's as sad as I am right now.
I've asked my therapist if she thinks I am crazy? Maybe mania or personality disorder? "No," she says, "Just going through a divorce."
HMMM..
I was talking to a guy who had served in Iraq as a Marine and he was telling me a story about how his mom asked him if he needed anything one day and he said, "Mom, I've been through combat and a failed a failed marriage! I can handle it!" So of course I asked him, "Which was harder?" to which he replied, "the failed marriage".
HMMM...
Yes, I know everyone says..
So how do I turn that pain into growth? If I was Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City I could write all day and night and wear super cute shoes, date super hottie guy named Big, and go drinking martinis with my friends.
BUT I 'm not.
So, maybe I should go down the street and make this guy my friend...
Nope, the bartender down the street is not that cute and I don't even think he looks as friendly as this guy.
Then my mind starts to drift as I stare at the three Christmas stockings hung on the mantle...
But remember Toni...they weren't good and you weren't happy!!!
oh yeah...
So, why am I so jealous when I see friends all dressed up going to fancy Christmas dinners for their husbands work parties...
Sometimes, I just want to feel pretty.
I want to NOT be in the drivers seat for one minute.....I don't want to be in charge...I want someone else to take care of me just for an hour or so.
I want to be Julia Roberts in Eat, Love, and Pray and just get away.
Or the chic in How Stella Got her Grove Back..
But I'm not.
Then I remember...
Then I remember...I am me and I am great.
Is it true?
Nothing makes me grow more than lonliness and challenging times...IF I choose to let it.
There are so many things I can do to run away and ignore the pain (jumping into another relationship, partying, eating, shopping....)
But none of these things will help me grow....
Pain will help me grow....
Loving me and being my BFF will help me grow...
if I choose to see what's in front of me...
Instead of looking behind at my past..
Instead of focusing on the things I don't have..
I can work on finding my PURPOSE...
you know my reason for being here...
and unlike most Moms...I don't think my reason for being here is to be a Mom.
I think there is a career waiting for me that will help others and make me feel fulfilled.
Something that will make a difference in this world.
TODAY
I
AM
HAPPY
TO
BE
ME.
Monday, December 22, 2014
Motivation Monday
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Barb of A Life in Balance
Facebook | G+ | Pinterest | Instagram | Twitter
Mitzi of Written Reality
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Katie of Mom Favorites
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Toni of Tickles and Time Outs
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Features
Barb- A Life in Balance
1. How to Make the Choice to Homeschool or Not | Kids in the World 2. How to Create Your Own Christmas Graphics in PicMonkey | An Extraordinary DayMitzi- Written Reality
3.Christmas Chalkboard Plate | The Farm Girl Gabs 4. Eggnog Cookies | Raining Hot CouponsKatie- Mom Favorites
5. Gingerbread Truffles | Frugal Coupon Living 6. Buckeye Recipe | Daily LeisureToni- Tickles and Timeouts
7. If Christmas Cards Were Realistic | Faith Along the Way 8. What Do You Do When Your Feel Overwhelmed | My Snippets of Inspiration
Friday, December 19, 2014
Holiday Stress
You can still have fun without overdoing it! Write a letter to yourself about what mistakes you made this year and put it in your decorations box for you to read next year. For example, take vacations days from work over the holidays or skip the Christmas cards! This way you may not overextend yourself next year!
Thursday, December 18, 2014
The Kindness Calendar
I believe that the holidays offer parents a wonderful opportunity to teach our kids about GIVING.
The Kindness Calendar is an advent calendar full of kindness tasks. My girls love it! Every day they get a different task such as "Give someone a compliment", "Listen to a friend", or "Tell a teacher you think they are great!". I believe it's so important to focus on helping others in little ways...if we make kindness a habit, we will be more successful in our lives.
If you want more ideas about creating a kind family, check out my What I like about you video!
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Monday, December 15, 2014
Motivation Monday!
Follow the Motivation Monday Hosts
Barb of A Life in Balance
Mitzi of Written Reality
Lauryn of The Vintage Mom
Katie of Mom Favorites
Marie of Normal Everyday Life
Toni of Tickles and Time Outs
Features
Barb- A Life in Balance
1. Cheap
Date Night | Amber Kristine
2. Moving Past Failure: What Keeps You Stuck | Stuck in
Your Rut
Mitzi- Written Reality
3.Snowball
Cookies | A Cup full of Sass
4. Homemade Snicker Bars | Wheel N Deal MamaKatie- Mom Favorites 5. Party Food Recipes: Salmon Pinwheels | In the Playroom 6. Strawberry Cheesecake Santas | Raining Hot Coupons Toni- Tickles and Timeouts 7. Tips for Smart Charitable Giving | Saving Sarah 8. Elf on the Shelf Ideas | Daily Leisure
Thursday, December 11, 2014
A few of my favorite things...from a Health and Wellness coach
One of the things I love doing with my local clients* is
going through their pantry to see what they have. The conversation usually starts
with the client saying something like, “You don’t want to see what I have.” as
they are opening the door or cabinet. We
laugh, and I reassure them that any recommendations I have will start with
taking small steps.
Stocking your pantry with more whole foods takes a little
time since most people want to finish what they have already purchased. I like
this approach too, because it gives you a little time to get used to including
your new ingredients into what you are already making, without feeling
overwhelmed.
Beyond olive oil and brown rice (white rice not only raises
your blood sugar levels quickly, it is stripped of 90% of its B vitamins, 60%
of iron, and most of its fiber and essential fatty acids) there are lots of wonderful
foods to keep on hand that are easy to use and relatively inexpensive.
Following are some of my favorite things that you will find
in my pantry, except for the nuts. I keep them in the fridge. Next week I’ll
share more of what is in my pantry from healthy sweeteners to vinegars and
spices so you too can have everything you need to create healthy meals…easily
and quickly.
Beans and Lentils:
Beans and Lentils are a great source of protein and fiber. I
tend to use canned beans and dried lentils. From a nutritional standpoint, the
biggest difference between canned and dried beans is the added salt that is in
most canned beans. Rinsing the beans will remove about 10% of the sodium or you
can try EdenOrganic Beans (found in the organic section or most grocery stores) which
contains kombu seaweed instead of salt. They also have BPA free cans.
Grains:
Quinoa is the only grain that is a complete protein, making
it an easy choice for meatless meals. Make sure you rinse quinoa thoroughly
before cooking as it contains saponin compounds that can have a soapy taste for
some people.
Farro is considered an ancient grain and has a nutty flavor
that is great when added to soups or as a side dish. Semi-pearled farro has had
some of the fiber and B vitamins stripped during processing but it cooks much
more quickly than whole farro. Honey
Spiced Chicken with Cranberry Kale Farro
Organic Popcorn is an easy snack that only takes a moment longer
to make than microwave popcorn and doesn’t have all the chemicals added to it.
Put about 1 cup of popcorn in a pan with 2 tablespoons of oil over medium heat.
Dress your popcorn up with parmesan cheese or spices.
Wheatberries have a sweet nutty flavor (one of my
favorites). It is the whole wheat kernel before it gets processed. Like other
whole grains they contain a significant amount of B vitamins and many minerals
that contribute to a healthier immune system and improved nervous system.
Millet: A gluten free grain, millet is thought to have originated
from Africa. It is excellent when cooked like a fluffy rice or creamy like
mashed potatoes. Millet is a good source of magnesium, which can contribute to
a healthy heart and reduce the risk of Type 2 Diabetes.
Seeds:
Pumpkins Seeds, Sesame Seeds, Flax Seeds and Chia Seeds add
a kick to smoothies, salads or stir fry’s. Both Chia Seeds and Flax seeds are
good sources of omega-3’s. Pumpkins seeds contain Zinc which can help boost
your immune system and can kill parasites that may reside in the colon.
Nuts:
Mix almonds, walnuts, pecans and pistachios together for
quick and easy protein packed energy snack. I prefer raw nuts as they are less
likely to oxidize and the fats become rancid. Almonds are a good source of
vitamin E and have a number of nutrients that beneficial for brain health,
particularly in children.
Walnuts are a good source of plant based omega-3, are full
of antioxidants and contain melatonin which can help you sleep better. Pistachios
have a higher protein content than any other nut and the fats in pistachios can
help eliminate dry skin.
-Emi 
Want to learn more about Emi? Check out her website Eat Well, Be Well.
*If you are not local to the Philly area but would like to make changes in what
you eat, Skype and Facetime are great ways for us to meet.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Motivation Monday
Follow the Motivation Monday Hosts
Barb of A Life in Balance
Mitzi of Written Reality
Lauryn of The Vintage Mom
Katie of Mom Favorites
Marie of Normal Everyday Life
Toni of Tickles and Time Outs
Features
Barb - A Life in Balance
1. Keeping Christmas Simple | The Little Farm Diary 2. Mango Shrimp Ceviche Recipe | Confessions of an Over-Worked MomMitzi - Written Reality
3.Chipotle Party Mix | Growing up Gabel 4. Chocolate Pretzel Christmas Trees | Frugal Coupon LivingKatie - Mom Favorites
5. Gingersnap Cookie Recipe | Upstate Ramblings 6. Easy Onion Appetizers | Ripped Jeans and BifocalsToni- Tickles and Timeouts
7. 80,000 in Student Loans Paid off in a Year | Debt Free Divas 8. Four Generous Gifts for the Holidays that Won't Cost You a Dime| Balm to My Soul
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Best Things on Pinterest this Week
Cutest Holiday Jokes
What do elves learn in school? The elf-a-bet
What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents? Silent night
What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted flakes!
What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy claws
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?Frostbite!
Where do snowmen go to dance? A snow ball!
How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack? Only one, after that it’s not empty any more!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitus!
What often falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt? Snow!
What is the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum – you can’t beat it!
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? He had low elf esteem!
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
10 signs you are a good mom
How many times in your life do you feel like a 'bad mom'? You know what I mean. When you lose your patience in the middle of the grocery store or forget an important event at school. Maybe you give candy for breakfast or you forget to move that damn elf on the shelf. You wouldn't be human if you didn't occasionally feel like a bad parent but make sure you're not sending these messages to yourself too frequently! Parenting is tough but it doesn't have to be that complicated. When we show our children love, patience, and kindness everything usually falls into place.
Monday, December 1, 2014
Motivation Monday!
Follow the Motivation Monday Hosts
Barb of A Life in Balance
Mitzi of Written Reality
Lauryn of The Vintage Mom
Katie of Mom Favorites
Marie of Normal Everyday Life
Toni of Tickles and Time Outs
Features
Barb- A Life in Balance
1. Indoor
Garden | Grow a Good Life
2. 10 Things to Remember on a Bad Day | A Happy
Girl
Mitzi- Written Reality
3.Healthy Whole Wheat Pumpkin Pancakes | Natural Chow
4. Bright Shiny Christmas Hutch | FYNE Designs
Lauryn- A Vintage Mom
5. Make Your Own Firestarters | Taylor Made Ranch
6. Sesame Seed Bread | Lou Lou Girls
Katie- Mom Favorites
7. 10 Thanksgiving Leftover Recipes | Homemade Interest
8. A DIY Wine Lover Christmas Gift | Our Mini Family
Toni- Tickles and Timeouts
9. Healthy Whole Wheat Pumpkin Pancakes | Natural Chow
10. Four Keys to Teaching Toddlers Gratitude | Mommy
Crusader
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