My friend Donna Spina recently posted pictures on Facebook of her brother and Dad while they were visiting from the weekend before. I immediately sent a message to Donna and said, "Please, tell me more about your Dad and brother's relationship!" I knew just from looking at the pictures that there was a great story....and I was right. I asked Donna to write this post so we can all enjoy this love story...
A Father and His Only Son
A Touching Tale Told by His Daughter
It was on September 6, 1960 that my brother was born in a small suburban
hospital a short distance from Philadelphia, PA. The doctor regretfully informed my father
that his new son had Downs Syndrome. This
diagnosis was withheld from our mother for two weeks. Somehow, her intuition
sensed something was not quite right.
The sixties were a much different time for a special needs child and
their parents. Due to a lack of skilled training and programming, structured
family and financial support, or just understanding, professional medical
guidance recommended the child be placed in an institution to not burden the
family. The belief was special needs children would not live long anyway. With the nature of institutions in those days,
that was a guarantee.
My parents would not hear of such a course of action. Named for his
father, Joseph, rather “Jophus” (my childlike pronunciation) came home to us. It is a nickname, among others, that has
stuck.
To this day I marvel at my father’s unwavering, unconditionally loving acceptance
of his only son.
He has never once talked about the “what if” Jophus was not different.
With all the sincerity in
the world, he says he would not change a thing. In Dad’s generation, some
fathers were known to have abandoned the family to avoid the perceived
disgrace.
Not our Dad.
A Miracle. A new, wonderful, much sought after school
was built in our area just for boys like Jophus. The education and care
promised could make his quality of life even greater. With much effort and
endurance, my parents were successful in getting Jophus, then 9 years old, a
coveted spot. One drawback. He would only come home every other weekend.
I remember the first night around the dinner table. Just like the characters in Dickens fabled “A
Christmas Carol”, Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim, the emotional impact of that empty
seat proved too much for my father.
It was the first time I ever saw my Dad
cry.
The Blessing. Dad was a lifelong
expert auto mechanic. He loves
everything with an engine from cars, to motorcycles, boats, and airplanes. His
workplace was down the road from the new school and his skill proved integral
to help his beloved son and the transition.
When servicing their small fleet of vehicles, Dad used the opportunity
to secretly peak in on Jophus and even partner with his less than enthusiastic
son make the workshop “quota” of bagged rubber bands. To Dad, the good deed of
donating his time would also be insurance reflected in my brother’s care.
Two Peas in Pod turned
BFFs.
Growing up, Dad and Beatle (as he was also called) spent much quality time
together. Side by side at any dinner table (“Get a good seat” Dad tells Beatle),
car rides (going fast over bumps just to hear Beatle say “wheeee!”), motorcycle
rides (to ask for one Bean mimicked the throttle wrist action that makes the bike
go forward), Saturday afternoons at the field flying model airplanes Dad built in
our basement (his flying friends would help watch little Jophus and “bury” his
dirty diapers), and summer fun on the water (many radios went overboard and are
at the bottom of the ocean). At family gatherings, a quick glance around the
room would find them sitting together or walking while holding hands.
Dad
bought only one new car that he still owns today, his entire married life. Guess
what is on the vanity license plate? “JOPHUS” My mind’s eye conjures up these
images and it still makes my heart melt.
My mother once asked me if having a brother like Jophus had ever held me
back in any way. I answered without hesitation, absolutely not. He made me a better person.
What was the effect being the Big Sister to such an Eternal Innocent Child?
Let’s start with Gratitude. The list of
what I was able to learn, do, go, experience as a result of being born “normal”
is too long to itemize.
Patience, kindness, acceptance, forgiveness, humility, and unconditional
love knowing Jophus did not have a choice in his Being but I do. Despite those
inherent limitations, he courageously fought back from chronic respiratory
illnesses, learned to be a gentleman like his father, communicated his needs despite
being non-verbal, and grew into an endearing, affectionate little man who makes
people laugh with his unexpected humorous antics. At 54 years old, less than
five feet in height, and a bit of a Santa belly, he continues to amaze us as to
what he knows and the new things he still learns. “He is so funny; you never
know what he will do.” Dad often says. Jophus picked us to be his keepers.
That’s the greatest reward.
Throughout his life our now 84 year old Dad authored many funny phrases to
put a lighthearted spin on things. “When
Beatle grows up I am telling him what you said.” “That’s my boy!” he joyfully
exclaims to introduce Jophus or as he enters a room. If accused of not thinking
clearly, Dad will say in his own defense “I am saving my brain to leave to
Beatle”. Try as he might, that will not
be possible. Dad has memory issues now. Still, my favorite is how Dad sums everything
up with “My Beatle is perfect.”
This fabulous father and his superbly special son share an indivisible
bond that endures growing older and the physical challenges which accompany the
cycle of life. Whether it is play time,
nap time, or even when time runs out, I will be forever thankful for smart
phones. In a swift click the magic in
the moment is captured creating a treasured memory to re-live over and over
again.
This was a guest post by Donna Spina. Donna is a business, personal growth, and Entrepreneural Transition coach. She is also the co author of:
“Woman Power: Strategies for Female Leadership” (forthcoming Amazon, September 27, 2014)
“The Happy Law Practice”
Expert Strategies to Build Business While Maintaining Peace of Mind (Amazon’s #1 Hot Release on March 25, 2014)
To learn more about Donna, please visit her at Coaching Indeed
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