The Tiger Mom Debate

The Tiger Mom', Amy Chua has recently made national news with her controversial book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, where she proudly explains her strict and relentless parenting style.  In her book, Chua explains how she has insisted on her 7 year old practicing piano for hours on end (even through dinner) until she perfected the piece.  Also, she does not allow grades below a B and places very high standards on academic excellence. 

First, I think that her ideas and parenting style is very extreme, however, there is a lot that we can learn from her philosophy and ideas.  As mentioned in Time Magazine, the Chinese have a fierce global marketplace, and one of the best primary and secondary education systems (which recent testing has proved when compared with other countries).  Although I don't agree with everything that Chua does, I don't think many people would argue that the Chinese have a stronger work ethic in general and a much more disciplined approach to education than westerners.  So, what can we learn from this woman?  Here are a few questions that we can consider as parents...
Should we raise some of the academic expectations we place on our children?

Do we put enough emphasis on academic excellence or are we perhaps clouded by wanting our children to excel in sports or social activities?

Are we teaching our kids to focus on studying enough or could we be allowing too much t.v/facebook?

Are we raising our children to be an asset to our society's global marketplace?

Are we providing our children with enough structure and discipline to be successful in their future?

Personally, I would really like to see my child excel in academics, go to college, and be successful in society (whatever that means to them!) but at the same time I do want them to be happy and enjoy their childhood.  One of the biggest things I think we can take away from Chua and other Chinese parents is the idea that we should praise our children for their hard work instead of praising them just because they are good at something. 

There is no perfect parent.  We all make mistakes along our parenting journey but being open minded to another perspective is a great way to challenge our own parenting styles and learn from each other.

Wintertime Jokes

These wintertime jokes will be sure to get a laugh or two!!

Q: How do you keep from getting cold feet?
A: Don't go around BRRfooted!

Q: What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf?
A: "You hang around while I go on ahead."

Q: Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean?
A: They're both below C level!

Toddler Tuesday! Beach Party!

Well, the weather outside is frightful...
but that doesn't mean you can't still have fun with your little one!  So, break out the swimsuits and get in the mood for some beach fun!  Here's how... 
To start, prepare ahead of time so you have everything you need and the kids can be involved in the excitement! Next, show them pictures of themselves at the beach, read a book about the beach, or watch a movie about the beach!  Also, find some beach themed music like Bob Marley or the Beach Boys.  Finally, get out any of the props listed below and make sure you use your imagination to really make it seem like you are going the beach! ENJOY!

Time to apply the sunscreen!! 

Building sandcastles was fun!!

Here's some props you can use:
     Blow up pool

     Beach towels

     Sunglasses
     Hat
     Sunscreen
     Beach toys-shovels

     Sand activities

After you gather all your props, and prepare your toddler, begin your trek to the beach by driving to the beach, laying in the beach sunning yourself, and then jumping in the water!  Don't forget to put on some sunscreen (this will give you the beachy smell too!)
This activity will give you and your little one a great break during this long winter days!!

Saving the best for last...

You can't go to the beach without having some ice cream, right!?

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Intel Visual Life - The Sartorialist

Practicing Detachment

I love boundaries.  I used to think that I had good boundaries.  I stuck up for myself and I confronted issues I had with people.  Then, I started martial arts and I quickly started realizing that I sucked at setting boundaries!  One of the biggest things I learned in my training was how to set boundaries in a more effective way (usually before the problem even happens).  Of course, this takes a lot of practice but is so much more effective!
One thing that I've realized is that I often use sarcasm or give unsolicited advice.  This has caused me a lot of problems with relatives and loved ones.  When someone is telling me about a problem, I have started asking myself if they are asking me for advice or just venting.  Often, they are just wanting someone to listen and they are looking for support.  Most of the time, they can figure out the problem on their own and don't need me at all (hmmm....imagine that!?) 
Here's an example. 
Let's say I have a teenage daughter that is hanging out with some friends that I don't think are good for her.  She begins to tell me about some of the things they are doing that aren't particularly healthy.  If I begin to tell her what she should say then I am robbing her from being able to process the situation on her own.  Instead, if I ask her what she thinks she should do about the situation then I am preparing her to better handle difficult situations on her own and not depend on me. 
As difficult as this is for the parent, it's essential for kids to begin to figure things out on their own and gain the self esteem they need to feel good about the decisions they make (and have someone encouraging them).  In addition, this will make it easier for her to come and talk to me next time without feeling judged.  This is true not only for communicating with teenagers but for adults as well.

What I have learned recently is that I need to practice these kinds of conversations with many people in my life.  I often put myself in situations where I am giving unsolicited advice without even realizing it.  I am learning to stop myself and simply listen.  If people come to me with the same type of problems that they put themselves in again and again, I am starting to limit my interactions with them.  I am not cutting the relationship off but I am detaching with love and giving them the freedom to grow (if they choose!).  For example, limiting conversations to once a week or once every 2 weeks can be a good thing for everyone involved when someone is in a unhealthy situation.

I truly believe that using these boundaries has helped make my relationships with other people more authentic and much more pleasant (just ask my husband!)  Also, I have learned that focusing on my own goals and priorities instead of others has made me a happier and healthier mom and individual.

Do you have other ideas/ways that help you set healthy boundaries with your loved ones?   

FOCUS FRIDAY! Combating Loneliness of a Stay at Home Mom

Let's face it, being a stay at home mom can be very lonely! I consider myself a very outgoing person and have weekly play dates scheduled with my daughter but I still find many lonely times throughout my week. 
I want my daughter to be grounded and I want to spend a lot of time engaged with her, but using a vocabulary limited to 50 words to chat with her can be less than thrilling after an 8 hour day....yes...I said it!  There are times when my husband wants to stop for a beer with a friend after work and a moment of rage strikes inside me....I think, "I haven't had a break all day, why does he get to have all the fun?  Didn't he have conversations with adults all day long? What more could he want?"

It sounds silly but I would love to see what people are wearing out in the workplace and chat with random strangers about the weather or news...Don't get me wrong...I love being a stay at home mom but sometimes it's just down right lonely!

So, if you find yourself in the same boat and you really want to stay afloat (no pun intended) as a stay at home mom, make sure that you pencil in time for yourself.  The most helpful thing for me is to plan ahead and write it on the calendar (that way I tend to make sure it happens)
Here are some ideas for you..

Take a class like photography or scrap booking through an area consortium (I take Zumba and love it!)

Girls night out once a month

Coffee with a friend at a coffee shop

A daily or weekly chit chat with a friend on the phone during nap time

Do you have more ideas?? Please share!!