Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Do I Need to Be Less of a Good Mom?

There are days when I am so hard on myself as a mom.  I can be my worst critic...I swear!  Sometimes, I am so consumed by trying to be perfect that I think I'm actually doing my child a disservice!  I will give you an example of a few things that have happened lately.  My daughter Sienna is a high energy creature often needing direction.  I recently realized that I was giving her too much direction and not allowing her to have quiet time and figure out how to play on her own.  I was constantly redirecting her, entertaining her (in between stirring the spaghetti) and making everything into a song.  I was getting so exhausted trying to multi task at every moment and I was noticing that Sienna had no clue how to play on her own. So, I began scheduling my time with her a little bit more so that I knew that I was giving her undivided, quality attention but then allowed her time to play on her own.  Setting this boundary really seemed to be helpful in creating an environment where she would be forced to learn to play independently.
Another example, no one in my family had been happy for about a week because Sienna was getting up at 430 in the morning and screaming.  We would come into her room to try to "be a good parent" and put her back to bed.  We even tried telling her that we were locking the door and putting a blanket by the door so that she could sleep there or in her bed.  This worked for a few night but then at 4am she would begin screaming again.  I think that strategy would work for most kids but not my stubborn little cutie!  We quickly realized that maybe being a good parent meant that we needed to lay down some rules, gain some control of our house at 4am, lock the door and let her cry it out.  Yes, I felt like a REALLY bad parent!! Sienna cried for 2 LONG hours until she finally fell asleep but I realize now that it's what she needed to realize that there are rules and she must stay in her bed at night. 
So, it makes me think? Do I need to be less of a good mom to be a good mom???

1 comment:

  1. Toni, I really needed to read this today. I have been having a "I'm not a good enough mom" week. I realized this morning that just because I don't always do things like others might, doesn't mean I'm bad, just different at what works for our family. Reading this really brought that home for me. Thank you! - Amanda