How to Raise a Thinker

We consistantly tell our kids what to do and to some extend that's our job, right? Well, what if we're doing them a diservice by telling them too much and not asking them enough?  Here are some ways you can replace your statements with questions that will encourage them to develop problem solving skills at times.
                                                 
Instead of "Please make your bed!" ask "What should you be doing?"
Instead of "Don't talk to your sister that way!" ask "I'm not sure why you are talking to your sister that way?
Instead of "Tell that kid not to speak to you that way!" ask "What do you think is a good way to resolve this?"
Instead of "Share your toys!"  ask "Do you think Shelly likes it when your playing this way?"
Instead of "Always listen to your teacher!" ask "What do you think you could have done differently?"
Instead of "You need to get better grades!" ask "What can we do differently next time?  Lets make a plan."

               “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

― Epicurus

Why I Chose Therapy Over My Cable Bill

I am going through a very, very difficult time right now...extremely difficult. Probably one of the biggest challenges I will face in my life (I hope).  So, the question becomes...how do I cope? How do I make it through the long stressful, lonely days? How do I see the big picture and remember that this too shall pass (as EVERYONE tells me!)  How do I stay grounded and take good care of my kids while I'm hurting so badly?  How do I pay my bills, stay focused, find a career, and take care of myself at the same time.  Well, I decided therapy would be one of my current top priorities. 

I'm a firm believer that how you spend your money is a direct reflection of your priorities.  Right now my priorities are to get my S&^T together, stay healthy (or at least not let myself go), take good care of my kids, and get my finances back together.  SO, does watching the Bachelor or Good Morning America fit into my goals right now....um...I don't think so! 
So, it's been 1 month without cable and actually I don't really miss it!  I feel like I've been spending more quality time with my daughters and I am definitely more productive!  I get RedBox videos, videos from the library, and watch Modern Family and the Bachelorette on the internet occasionally but the funny thing is that I do not really miss it! When I babysit in the evenings at other families houses (with cable) I don't even turn on the t.v!

Well, I don't know what's happening in my life right now but one thing I do know is that I am being strong and my money is being used to make me stronger.

I don't pass any judgment on people who are using cable as their form of relaxation (because it can be a great thing to unwind and relax) but for me right now I feel better going to sleep at night knowing that I'm spending my money on things that will help me become a better person......and keep me off of suicide watch, drugs, or the streets...lol (kind of!)

If I Die Tomorrow-Letter to my Daughters

Dear Sienna and Jacklyn,
If I die tomorrow, I don't want you to feel sad. I want you to know that I lived a great life full of happiness, hard work, love, and many blessings. I truly believe that I lived my life to the fullest and I feel so lucky to have been blessed with a wonderful family and two beautiful little girls. I am so blessed to have known you and to be chosen to bring you into this world.
If you ever feel lonely, I want you to think of me as the moon. Just like the moon, even though you you can't always see me, I am still here in spirit. I am watching you from heaven-watching you make mistakes, watching you fall in love, watching you succeed, and most of all watching you enjoy your life. You are very young but I already know that God has given you many talents. IF you choose to use those tools, you will go far. You will be successful but it's up to you to define success.

Don't feel sad that I'm gone, feel happy that we got the opportunity to share so many special memories together.

Why Do Children Listen to Other People More than Me?

Every parent has experienced this phenomenon at one point or another. You are having a difficult time with your child and in walks your mother or a babysitter and your child completely acts like an angel (and you want to strangle them!) I know! I've been there! Here are some reasons why children do this...

1. Lack of Patience. I used to work as a nanny and the kids listened to me 90% of the time!  I arrived at 8am and left at 5pm. I had SO much patience! With my own children, however, I definitely have days that my reactions are overreactive (and are a result of unrealistic expectations). This happens OFTEN!
2. Lack of Consistency. Again, when I was a nanny I was consistent 95% of the time. Unfortunately, that's not the case as a stay at home mom and a mom on nights and weekends. I try so hard to be consistent but I definitely have my weak points...and my toddler definitely knows how to make me cave!
3. Personal feelings. As parents, we often take behaviors unrelated to us and personalize them. For instance, Joe's 2 year old son is hitting other kids and school and he feels like it's a reflection of his parenting when in fact it's probably just a result of his sons communication limitations. Although every child has different capabilities, children are products of their environment. If your child only demonstrates these issues sometimes then chances are you are just experiencing a normal case of selective hearing (or selective outbursts)! One thing to remember is that children feel safe with you so they are more likely to express their anger or sadness at times when they need to release it. If they express their anger toward someone new they may not know the reaction they would receive. If you feel that your child is very challenging (only towards you) then maybe it's time for some help. Look for some parenting resources such as The Happiest Toddler on the Block (one of my favorites-available on my amazon store) or call your local intermediate unit to see what help they provide to parents. Also, talk to people about the issues you are facing and chances are they will have some ideas for you!

It Will Never Happen to Me

Spring time is a good time to talk to your children about staying safe while playing outside in warm weather. Don't sit down with your child and expect them to listen to a long, drawn out grocery list of do's and don'ts while playing outside during the coming warm weather. You might have their attention for a few minutes and then they'll start pestering you to get outside so they can play with their friends. Instead, I'd like to suggest a different strategy for talking to your child or children about staying safe this spring. For starters, ask your child to invite their friends over for snacks and then take a few minutes to have a discussion with all of them. This can create some positive peer pressure later, should one of the children decide it might be fun to do something foolish that could lead to a dangerous situation. So here it goes. Create a list of potential safety issues. This spring safety list includes: Lightning, snakes, insects, allergies, water safety, bike riding, playing in or near a road or highway, sun burn, heat emergencies, taking off their shoes and running around with bare feet, respecting private property, not playing at or near construction or building sites, water towers, railroad tracks, or on, near or under bridges or overpasses. This list might seem lengthy for keeping the attention of a group of eight to twelve year olds but it works pretty good if you just offer them a chance to think about a few real world scenarios and allow the kids to come up with the right answers. Here's a good example of how it works. Start by asking your captive audience a question like, "You are playing down in the woods when a friend pulls out some matches and suggests that you build a camp fire and pretend you are camping. What should you and your other friends consider could happen?" Then follow up their answers with, "And what should you tell your careless friend?" This clearly sets the stage for some serious discussion and allows you the chance to add some mature comments or suggestions the children may not have considered. Using the two underlined questions above will help you navigate through the list of potential safety scenarios and the possible outcomes.