Why women need to talk less and listen more

Women are constantly telling men what they should be doing, how to clean the plates better, or how they could be raising their children.  We think that we are helping by providing information but the truth is that we need to ZIP IT!

The problem with talking too much is that it can be perceived as condescending or controlling.  Listen to my video clip to hear about some of my experiences with this subject.

Using Guided Imagery to Create a Happier Family Life

Could guided imagery really create a happier family life?  Guided imagery is an amazing tool for creating the life we want. Research has proven again and again that our imagination can help us build our own realities. The question is, what is the life YOU want? What kind of family life do you want to have?  When you are old, wrinkly, and rocking in a rocking chair, what kind of life do you want to be able to reflect upon?

These techniques can really make a difference in your life.  Don't believe me? Chat with athletes that have won races, people who have overcome illnesses, or people who have lost a lot of weight and you will quickly learn that guided imagery is a powerful tool that many of these people use.  Whether these people realize it or not, they have used guided imagery (in some form or another) to attain the goals they have accomplished. In other words,

 

We become the person we WANT to be.

 

Here's an example.  Research has shown that when people focus on a diet or quitting smoking, they will most likely NOT succeed, but if they instead focus on creating a new image as a 'non smoker' or being a 'healthy person' they are much more likely to be successful.

 

Now I'd like to take it a step further and suggest that you are CREATING the problems you have.  If we worry (which is inadvertently focusing on the things we DON'T want)  then we are focusing on things that make us unhappy instead of things that make us happy.  Why would we do that to ourselves? 

 

The same philosophy can be applied when a parent wants to be more patient with their children or be more 'present' when spending time with children.  When we take a few moments before the kids wake up to picture ourselves being the kind of parent we want to be then we are much more likely to become that kind of parent.

 

Take the time to listen to your intuition, then visualize the life you want.  Gradually you will begin surrounding yourself with like minded people and you will start taking steps toward changing your behaviors and creating the life we want. 

 

It's SIMPLE. 

 

Are you ready to make it happen? Try these simple steps 1 or 2 times a day (or whenever you want!) and watch your dreams become a reality.

1. Picture your family doing the things that you wish would change (ex. fighting, sadness, or illness).

2. Next, picture yourself throwing that picture away.

3. Create a new family portrait in your imagination with the family that you wish to become.

4.  Begin focusing on that happy family image instead.
4. Finally, take baby steps to move toward that image and surround yourself with people who share these values.  Get together with other families who share your goals or have parent in a way that you admire.

Interested in learning more about guided imagery? Check our Holistic Online for more great ideas.

Simple Sunday! A Date at Church?

Just like parenting, finding time for your marriage also requires using some creativity!

I was at church this morning with my husband and as crazy as it sounds, it felt like a date!  Thankfully, our church provides reliable childcare which gives us a chance to do something together uninterrupted (which is rare these days!)  In addition, we were able to focus on something we both believe in together, hold each other's hands, and share in fellowship.  Although our intention for going to church was to pray and give our attention to being better Christians, we were also enjoying our time as a couple.

Getting out of the house and getting to church on Sunday mornings is often not an easy task (and I only have one child!)  Let me tell you, getting everyone fed, dressed, and out the door by 8:30 (on a day we could all relax instead) takes a lot of effort!  However, on a day like today I was really glad we did it!

While at church, I sat in the pew, holding my husband's hand and was actually able to enjoy music and focus on what I was there for.  During the next hour, I did not feel like a mom but instead I felt like a wife and an individual (which was exactly what I needed after a long week as a stay at home mom!).  Half way through the service, I whispered to my husband "I feel like we're on a date" and he whispers back, “I feel like you make me want to be a better person." WOW!  What a special moment in our marriage! 

Churches often offer childcare but if you are not a religious person, I encourage you to find ways to make quality time for your relationship!  Even though it's easy to put the kids and work first, making the time for a slow dance in your living room, taking a walk, or having sex is so important! 

Do you struggle with finding time for each other?  How do you use creativity to find time for your marriage?

I want to hear your ideas!

Simple Sunday! Encouraging a Team Approach with Your Spouse

Although setting boundaries and being direct with your needs is important in fostering teamwork, giving your spouse praise and positive feedback is also essential in maintaining a positive environment in your home.

Do you feel alone in the child rearing process?  If so, you're not alone! Many mothers feel like their partners do not do enough or take an active role in the parenting process. A recent study by Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan, co-author of the study and assistant professor of human development and family science at Ohio State University suggests that fathers who are given positive feedback by the mothers are likely to be an active participant in the child rearing process.

Many people overlook the power of positivity in a parental relationship, however, it's often the key to fostering a healthier and happier relationship.  I know what you are probably saying, "There are days when I really struggle to find one good thing he does because I am so frustrated and overwhelmed." or you may say "I don't even have the time to give my spouse compliments just to get him to do things that he should already be doing!?" Well, the truth is everyone need praise and positive reinforcement, also, it's not very motivating for them to want to help you if all they hear is complaining or asking them to do things. 

TRY THIS EXPERIMENT!
Every day, find at least 5 things that your spouse is doing well and make sure you let them know.  In addition, give them a touch on the shoulder, kiss, and/or make eye contact.  Even if it's the way he kisses your child goodnight or the way he plays with your child, find something through the day that he is good at and let him know you appreciate it.  Maybe he took the trash out or cleaned up some clutter....find some positives and start giving compliments.  You just might be surprised at the outcome! 

SIMPLE SUNDAY! How to Spark Some Romance in Your Love Life

Are you dying for a romantic night without interruptions?  If you're like me, you dream of just one romantic night with your spouse at a quaint Bed and Breakfast but you don't have the time or money to make it happen.  Until now...
Imagine...
You travel to a nearby B&B where you can get a three course meal which is served on dishes that you don't have to clean!  The lights are dim, the music is faint and there are no highchairs, screaming children, or t.v blaring as you try to finiish a conversation with your husband! Then, the two of you head upstairs to have a romantic night in a private suite with a lit fireplace.  Next, a great nights sleep followed by an easy morning waking up in your spouses arms without anyone crawling in bed with you or yelling "Mommy!" at the top of their lungs.
Sounds too good to be true?  Maybe not!  There are so many bed and breakfasts that people don't even know exist!  The best part is that many B&B's offer one night stays for reasonable rates!  If you are short on time or worried that your babysitter might call you in a panic...check out a nearby B&B (I found one that is less than 2 miles from my house that I never knew existed!)
Here is a great website that can help you find a local B&B at a reasonable price..
http://www.bedandbreakfast.com/

Do you live in or near Chester County? Check out these great deals that are hard to pass up!
Do you love Cape May but can't justify the travel time, gas, babysiter, and 2 night minimum cost? Check out these nearby gems that will allow a one night stay!

General Warren Inne, Malvern, PA
http://www.generalwarren.com/

Prix Fixe Dinner Suite Package

$140 per couple in any suite except Presidential or Franklin
$170 per couple for Presidential or Franklin (includes jacuzzi)

Both prices include overnight stay, 3 course prix fixe menu, and served continental breakfast the next morning.

Edges Mill Inn, Downingtown, PA
http://www.edgesmillinn.com/
$110.00 per couple in any suite with breakfast
$125.00 per couple for any suite plus full candlelit breakfast
* Garden hot tub open March thru January