Motivational Monday! Say yes to the mess

Breakups can be so lonely and isolating but it's important to remember that things will get better!  I remember literally dropping to my knees on the kitchen floor after my separation. I had no idea how I was ever going to get through this.  I felt like I couldn't see more than 2 feet in front of me and I could not get my head around the fact that I was a single mom going through a divorce.

The good news is that if you choose to say yes to the mess (pain and suckiness) and just accept that fact that it's going to suck for a little while, you will feel so strong and empowered when you come out on the other side.  Break ups give you a tremendous opportunity for growth.  Here are some things that helped me get through that difficult time.

1.  Laughing.  I love watching Jimmy Fallon show clips.  You can follow him on Facebook to see his hilarious segments.  Beware...you might pee your pants from laughing so hard.

2.  Music. Find a great playlist and include songs like this one...Happy by Pharrell.  I dare you to get up and start dancing by yourself!

3.  Volunteering.  How can you not feel better when you are helping someone?  It will take your mind off of things and make you feel good!

4.  My kids. Kids can be a great break from thinking too much-their silliness, simple perspective, and adorable ideas make it hard to take anything to seriously.

5.  Therapy (with a GOOD therapist)  This has been sooooo helpful in my divorce journey.  Don't try to do this alone. It's so helpful to talk to someone that has a fresh perspective and won't give you their opinion only help you solve your own problems. A good therapist will hold you accountable for your own actions and give you tools to be happier and more successful.

What has helped me get through my divorce

1.  Set healthy boundaries.  I can't say it enough.  When you are going through a divorce (or a challenging time in your life) PLEASE limit time spent with people who don't share your values and make you happy.  When you're going through a divorce, you become a MAGNET for other people going through challenging times. TAKE CAUTION!  You can only give what you receive and if you aren't receiving a lot of love, support, and positive energy then you are going to go down.  If you have family members that are also going through a challenging time, it's ok to limit your time spent with them.  I'm sure there will be a time when you have more to give but right now you need all the energy you can muster.  If there are people you follow on Facebook that are always complaining, just unfollow them-they will never know.  This kind of negativity can emotional drain you and cause you to lose track of what you're trying to accomplish in your life.

2.  Gain a NO EXCUSES approach.  Start taking responsibility of your life.  If you aren't happy, find out why.  See a therapist (a good one) and start taking control over the life you create.  Everyone has challenging days but if the same challenges keep coming up maybe it's time to take a new approach.

3.  Get sleep.  Divorce is exhausting.  If you are working 5 jobs and find yourself exhausted, try to really think about how you can use your time more effectively or maybe find ONE job that pays better.  Sleep is important.

4.  Maintain HEALTHY habits.  Your body needs all the help it can get right now and if you're putting crap in it and not exercising, don't expect much in return.  Start today by eating things that are green and limiting alcohol/caffeine intake.  Remember all these little choices we make can have a big impact on our lives.

It's a bad day, not a bad life

How to be a successful single parent...or not

Are you wondering how to be a successful single parent?  Well, the first question is how do you define success? Having happy kids?  Being happy yourself?  Being able to pay your bills?  Having a good career?  Remarrying?  

Having a clear definition of success is extremely important because otherwise we’re just going through the motions…paying our bills, changing diapers, cleaning, working, helping our mom, going  out to dinner, etc….you can begin to feel like a robot...and we all feel that sometimes....but what is it that you REALLY WANT??

Being a single parent is similar to a wheel barrow.  One parent represents the tiny wheel holding a lot of weight on top and wobbling around like crazy.  Paying the household bills with one income is hard for both parents and trying to juggle kids with only 2 hands is impossible at times.   So, how do we do it and can we be successful???? Here are a few ideas that have helped me....

1.      

1    1. Define success.  Take 5 minutes right now to write down what you want your life to look like.

2.      2. Ask for help.  It takes a village to raise children and you’re being selfish if you think that your child only needs you.  Your child needs a variety of support, ideas, and encouragement and your delusional if you think you can do it all.  If you’re telling me that you do not have any help.  STOP!  You're just giving me an excuse.  Make friends that will help you, go to a church, or find a way to afford babysitting a few hours here and there.

3.      3. Stop being a victim.  Let’s be real.  It’s understandable that you’re angry but you’re the one in charge of your life.  You may have anger at your ex but the real anger is because you are not happy with where your life is right now and your ex is an easy target.  Believe me, I've been there!!

 .    4.  Practice gratitude.  Maybe your life is not where you wanted it to be when you dreamed of growing up and having a cute little family with a picket fence...but drowning in your sorrow is not going to move you forward.  Write down 10 things every day that are great in your life. Remember, it could always be worse!

Helping Children Through Transitions

Some children have a difficult time with transitions like back to school or going between Mommy's house and Daddy's house.  This is normal for children who like structure and routine and are afraid of uncertainty. 

If you are going on a business trip, sending your child to their other parent's house, or sending them off for their first day of school....draw a little heart on their hand to remind them that you love them and are always thinking of them!

New Sister Site-Tickles and Two Families

Tickles and Time Outs now has a new sister site, Tickles and Two Families www.Ticklesandtwofamilies.blogspot.com.
This new site is a resource for single parents going through seperation and/or divorce.  While I am honest about the struggle and hardships I am going through (such as making the facebook announcement and trying to order take out then realizing there's a minimum order amount!), I also share what I've learned to make life easier and happier along the way.  This is a journey...come along!