GRATITUDE!

How to be a successful single parent...or not

Are you wondering how to be a successful single parent?  Well, the first question is how do you define success? Having happy kids?  Being happy yourself?  Being able to pay your bills?  Having a good career?  Remarrying?  

Having a clear definition of success is extremely important because otherwise we’re just going through the motions…paying our bills, changing diapers, cleaning, working, helping our mom, going  out to dinner, etc….you can begin to feel like a robot...and we all feel that sometimes....but what is it that you REALLY WANT??

Being a single parent is similar to a wheel barrow.  One parent represents the tiny wheel holding a lot of weight on top and wobbling around like crazy.  Paying the household bills with one income is hard for both parents and trying to juggle kids with only 2 hands is impossible at times.   So, how do we do it and can we be successful???? Here are a few ideas that have helped me....

1.      

1    1. Define success.  Take 5 minutes right now to write down what you want your life to look like.

2.      2. Ask for help.  It takes a village to raise children and you’re being selfish if you think that your child only needs you.  Your child needs a variety of support, ideas, and encouragement and your delusional if you think you can do it all.  If you’re telling me that you do not have any help.  STOP!  You're just giving me an excuse.  Make friends that will help you, go to a church, or find a way to afford babysitting a few hours here and there.

3.      3. Stop being a victim.  Let’s be real.  It’s understandable that you’re angry but you’re the one in charge of your life.  You may have anger at your ex but the real anger is because you are not happy with where your life is right now and your ex is an easy target.  Believe me, I've been there!!

 .    4.  Practice gratitude.  Maybe your life is not where you wanted it to be when you dreamed of growing up and having a cute little family with a picket fence...but drowning in your sorrow is not going to move you forward.  Write down 10 things every day that are great in your life. Remember, it could always be worse!

4 Ways to Make Family Movie Night a Blast

 

If you're like me, one of my favorite family activities is to have family movie night.  What I like best about family movie night is the excitement and anticipation around it.  I want my children to look back and remember these times fondly so I try to make it fun!  Here's how I do it...

1.  Let your kids pick the movie
Of course, what else but Frozen!? Who doesn't want to watch Frozen?! What a great movie that even adults will enjoy!  You can buy it here on Amazon for $20.00 or, of course, find a Red Box machine near you!  If Frozen isn't your top pick, here are some great ideas for family friendly movies from Parenting Magazine Best Movies for Families.

2.  Build excitement
 Let your kids pick the movie and watch the trailer online.  Find out some things about the characters and ask them questions about what they think will happen in the movie.

3.  Make a cool snack
I like to make a snack that fits the theme (ice cream for Frozen for example) but you don't need to go crazy.  Popcorn is always a hit!

4. WATCH the movie.  No, really WATCH the movie.  Put your phone away and be present.  Engage in the movie and engage in your child's life.  You'll be glad you did.

Say Goodbye to Chaos!

Should You Provide In-Home Childcare?

Do you ever wonder if you should provide childcare to other children to bring in some extra cash flow for your family?  Maybe it would allow your family to take that some extra vacations or maybe it's a necessity?  Maybe you would really like to quit your job and stay home with your kids?Whatever the case, make sure you consider the big picture before making the commitment.

1.  Do the math.  The cost of caring for just 1 or 2 children is usually not a huge amount of money.  The reason is that you are competing with childcare centers that are able to cover the expenses differently and have a higher teacher/child ratio.  That being said, if you want a few extra dollars, it could be perfect for you.  Just make sure the extra money is worth it to you. HOWEVER, don't forget to put a number (expense) on your OWN children.  For example, if you have to work outside the home, you will be paying for your children to go to childcare which would cost you ___ amount.  But if you want to make a DECENT amount of money it may be necessary to watch more than 3 children. Also calculate what you will be making per hour versus your current situation.

2.  Consider the responsibility involved.  Caring for children is not easy, especially younger children.  They demand a lot of time and can be stressful when they go through potty training, terrible twos, or even if they experience allergies or injuries.  If the kids you will care for are babies, it's important to remember the extra time and care that these children require.  For this reason, daycare centers will charge extra for infants for children with special needs so that's something you may want to consider.

3.  Find a good family/families.  If you already have a family or 2 in mind (that you like and trust) you will be in a better situation to succeed.  It took me a long time to find families that I could depend on to pay on time, pick up on time, and had the same values and parenting style as me.  Remember you're interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you so be picking about who you choose and if it's not a good fit...don't do it.

4.  Consider all factors involved.  Watching children on the side is essentially starting your own business.  It's important to have a plan and set clear boundaries from the beginning (especially if it involves your family members children or friends' children) It may sound easy to take in a few extra kids, why not? You're already taking care of your own kids, right?  But make sure you consider all aspects before making the commitment.  How will you handle sick kids (yours or theirs)? What if you or your husband is sick?  What if they don't pay you?  Will they be bringing their own lunches/snacks?  Do they want to deduct childcare expenses from their taxes?  Will they be accommodating for your vacations?  Will they get a long well with your children?

Although caring for other children in your home can be a great business for many parents who are already at home with their kids,  it's important to make sure you consider everything involved and how it will impact your family overall before making the commitment.

Using Guided Imagery to Create a Happier Family Life

Could guided imagery really create a happier family life?  Guided imagery is an amazing tool for creating the life we want. Research has proven again and again that our imagination can help us build our own realities. The question is, what is the life YOU want? What kind of family life do you want to have?  When you are old, wrinkly, and rocking in a rocking chair, what kind of life do you want to be able to reflect upon?

These techniques can really make a difference in your life.  Don't believe me? Chat with athletes that have won races, people who have overcome illnesses, or people who have lost a lot of weight and you will quickly learn that guided imagery is a powerful tool that many of these people use.  Whether these people realize it or not, they have used guided imagery (in some form or another) to attain the goals they have accomplished. In other words,

 

We become the person we WANT to be.

 

Here's an example.  Research has shown that when people focus on a diet or quitting smoking, they will most likely NOT succeed, but if they instead focus on creating a new image as a 'non smoker' or being a 'healthy person' they are much more likely to be successful.

 

Now I'd like to take it a step further and suggest that you are CREATING the problems you have.  If we worry (which is inadvertently focusing on the things we DON'T want)  then we are focusing on things that make us unhappy instead of things that make us happy.  Why would we do that to ourselves? 

 

The same philosophy can be applied when a parent wants to be more patient with their children or be more 'present' when spending time with children.  When we take a few moments before the kids wake up to picture ourselves being the kind of parent we want to be then we are much more likely to become that kind of parent.

 

Take the time to listen to your intuition, then visualize the life you want.  Gradually you will begin surrounding yourself with like minded people and you will start taking steps toward changing your behaviors and creating the life we want. 

 

It's SIMPLE. 

 

Are you ready to make it happen? Try these simple steps 1 or 2 times a day (or whenever you want!) and watch your dreams become a reality.

1. Picture your family doing the things that you wish would change (ex. fighting, sadness, or illness).

2. Next, picture yourself throwing that picture away.

3. Create a new family portrait in your imagination with the family that you wish to become.

4.  Begin focusing on that happy family image instead.
4. Finally, take baby steps to move toward that image and surround yourself with people who share these values.  Get together with other families who share your goals or have parent in a way that you admire.

Interested in learning more about guided imagery? Check our Holistic Online for more great ideas.

If You Give A Mom A Snow Day...

*Taken from If you give a mouse a cookie*


If you give a mom a snow day…

She will be happy...

 

She will want her camera to take those cute pictures of the kids in their winter gear…

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

She may even frolic with the kids in the snow and make snow angels.

...Catch snowflakes on her tongue with the kids, and serve yummy hot chocolate to warm the kids up (with little marshmallows floating around).

If you give a mommy 2 snow days,
 

She will want an extra cup off coffee to go with it.

Her children will ask to go play in the snow again.  She will sigh but put on a smile and help them build a snowman and take them sledding.   She may even fill the squirt bottles with the colored water to make designs in the snow from the ideas she saw on Pinterest.

If you give a mommy 3 snow days,

 

She will start to lose her patience. 

 She will begin to bundle up her children for the frigid temps so they can play in the snow in which they often start whining after 5 minutes because their hands are frozen and they are miserable.

If she gives her kids mismatched gloves, she will hope that her friends won’t notice how bad of a mom she is for sending her kids in the show with mismatched gloves when she posts on Facebook.  Going on Facebook will remind her that she really should check the school closings one more time to see if there’s a change in the school closings.  Listening to the school closings will remind her that she really needs a glass of wine.

If you give a mom 4 snow days,

She will begin to yell as she runs the dryer 5 times to dry all the wet clothes the kids wore outside.  Running the dryer will remind her that her electric bill is going to be high this month, which will remind her that she really needs to get to work but can’t because the day care is closed.  The day care being closed will remind her that she really needs a glass of wine.

 If you give a mom 5 snow days…

She will begin to go insane.

She will begin cleaning all the messy, salt covered floors for the 15^th time.  Cleaning the messy floors will remind her that she should just keep the kids inside and do some baking.  Doing some baking will make her feel guilty because she ends up eating everything she bakes.  Eating everything she bakes will remind her that she really needs to go on a diet.

And chances are…

If you give her ANOTHER snow day…she will want a bottle of wine to go with it.